So there is a crusty film on nearly everything I touch in this apartment, particularly – my cell phone, my blackberry, my apartment phone and the remote control.
Also, the lower two feet of the stove, the fridge, and the dishwasher.
And, the Bumbo, the high chair and 90 percent of Ellie’s toys.
I spend half of my free time trying to remove the weird grossness that has accumulated and the other half of my free time trying to get Ellie to refrain from putting EVERYTHING – including my shoes and toes – in her mouth.
Now you might be saying…”Cara, you made a mathematical error. If you spend 50 percent of your free time cleaning Ellie’s messes and 50 percent of your free time trying to prevent her from mouthing everything in her sight – then that would leave no free time for anything else.”
And if you said this to me, I would say, “Oh no no no, that is not a mathematical error. That is factual data right there.”
Here is the proof. It is 7:48pm and I just realized that I am still in my pajamas. And they aren’t the cute kind.
I can not show you a photo of myself right now because you would lose respect for me – forever.
But just as a picture is worth a thousand words – a word is worth a thousand pictures.
So here is my word – Hot-mess. I hyphenated so I could fit the saying, but that is really beside the point.
I am sitting on my couch with a white tank-top on, the elastic straps are so stretched out that they are falling off of my shoulders.
I am not wearing a bra. And I have been breast feeding for nearly 9 months and counting. Sad. Just such a sad state of affairs right there.
As if that is not bad enough, I have on pajama pants that have been mouthed and now have avocado, hummus and teething cookie film all over them.
Don’t even ask. But all of you that receive this blog have seen my hair when it gets bad – yes, that is where I am at.
So after I cleaned the crusty film, poured a glass of wine, paid bills online, ordered diapers, baby food and a quality white noise machine – but before I sat down to make a schedule for Ellie’s fall music classes and look for apartments in the NYTimes Real Estate Section and whole host of other things that are too boring to mention…
It hit me.
Tomorrow is never going to be any less complicated than today.
And by that I mean, the responsibilities, the demands, the cries are only going to grow…
So I mind as well embrace it.
Like I said when recently asked about how motherhood was treating me, “My life is a complete sh*t show, everyone told me that was going to happen. But no one told me that I wasn’t going to mind.”
(No one also told me that my stomach would not go back to the way it was before – it’s the same-ish. Okay, a number of people did and I thought me and my flat pre-baby stomach would be the exception. So sad, and yet so comforting. Just another way I am reminded that I am not alone.)
I really have to say – the most surprising thing about the turn my life has taken is how little I mind. Yes I am tired. Yes I wish there were two – or twenty of me. But I never knew how little I would miss my old life.
When I was pregnant, I would walk by packed bars on a warm summer night and get so nostalgic for my carefree days. I remember crying to a good friend, saying, “I just wish I knew what the future held so that I could have had one more night of not caring. One more night of staying out until 5 am. I just want one more night of freedom.”
Tears come to my eyes when I think about how much I ached when I said those words to her.
And she smiled at me and said, “Yea, but Cara, you had plenty of those. You know you aren’t missing anything.”
She lived with me when I was at the height of my, how shall I say it, carefree days.
I didn’t know it then, but I certainly know it now.
She was totally right.
And not only did I have plenty of those days, these days are honestly a thousand times more full-filling.
Wipe that surprised look off of your face – no one is more surprised than your truly.
And here are the cute pics of the post. The first few are professional photos by Ida Astute – ABC News’ photographer. I will explain why Ida was kind enough to take pictures of us in a later post.
The next photo is of Ellie ripping the cable wire (she has a thing with wires) that was stapled to the wall – out of the wall.
And this is what I had to do to stop her from doing it.
Like I said – sh*t show.