I don’t think Ellie really knows that I failed Easter, but I know, and I am pretty sure I failed.
How do you fail Easter? Oh, well let me set the scene for you. This week at work was quite busy (read, I barely had time to use the bathroom) and somewhere around Wed. or Thurs. it occurred to me that I had no Easter paraphernalia, including but not limited to, Easter baskets, Easter Eggs (the plastic kind) and Peeps. So I vowed to Easter-cise this joint on Saturday morning.
Ellie and I rose at 6:30am on Saturday – well Ellie rose and yelled, “Mama…are you???” and I groggily got my ass out of bed, and cheerily told her how we were going to go shopping this morning. “Yay! Shopping! Wooohooo!”
But first we needed to eat breakfast and I needed to scrub the tub and clean out all of the garbage cans and the Diaper Genie. By 9am, we were ready to go. I threw Ellie into the stroller, grabbed all 6 bags of recycling and garbage and headed out into the hall, very excited to enjoy the nice weather on this Easter Weekend with my beautiful daughter. Everything was going swimmingly until I got to the elevator on my floor. Okay, so we made it 15 feet before things went from awesome to totally not.
I quickly realized that elevator is out of order. And not only that, the note on the elevator door states that a part has been ordered to repair the elevator and when it comes in, the elevator will be repaired.
I live on the 5th floor.
Now I am proud of myself because I did not cry. Instead I left the garbage in the hall, brought Ellie back into the apartment, got the front pack, threw her in it, and trudged down six flights of stairs to the basement to discard the gross and heavy bags I was carrying, then we walked 10 blocks to the Duane Reed drug store, where I had foolishly told myself there would be everything I needed for Easter, ALONG with conditioner and dish soap.
I walk in and ask if they have Easter baskets and the gentleman behind the counter says, “No, sorry, we don’t.”
My response, very seriously, was, “Well then how is the Easter Bunny supposed to come tonight?”
He looked at me blankly. I turned around and started seeing what I could manage to pull together with a 20 pound child strapped to my chest. I didn’t get very far. I realized I needed to use the bathroom at about the same time Ellie realized she was very very hungry. I reasoned that because it was 10am by this point, it was okay if I gave her some of the Tostitos that were within arms reach while I kindly asked if I could use the bathroom.
“Restroom is for staff only.”
I sighed, got really annoyed and decided we needed to get everything as quickly as possible before I peed in my pants. I threw the conditioner that was on sale into my recyclable bag, a foam bat and ball (Ellie loves balls lately), some plastic eggs, a couple cute play bracelets, some bubbles, and dish soap into my bag and went up to the counter. I took out my iPhone because I have this awesome app called CardStar that holds all of your little discount tags, so your key chain is not a hot mess.
The guy goes to scan my Duane Reed card and tells me it isnt working. I have to pee so badly at this point that I am sweating.
“Yes it is. I have used it here before.”
“No, it’s not,” he says, as he tries about 10 times.
Now at this point I decide I am not going to get frustrated with him because it isnt his fault its not working, BUT then remember it (sort of) is his fault that I have to pee so badly.
“Um, can you look it up by my phone number?” I ask…I really wouldn’t have cared but because the conditioner was on sale, I bought 6 bottles, so we were talking about 15 bucks…
“Sure.” And he looks it up by phone number successfully, then scans all of my items, and realizes that the register wasn’t picking up on the scans…SO HE HAS TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.
By this point, Ellie has now eaten nearly all of the Tostitos and she is handing me the bag back and saying, “Num, num, num, num…”
There was only one thought that came to mind – I HATE EASTER. Finally we manage to ring everything up, I speed walk all the way back to my apartment, with a heavy bag and a heavy Ellie, I run up 5 flights of stairs with her, quickly rip off the front pack, put her on the floor and finally pee.
And all of the sudden, I didn’t hate Easter so much.
That is until I unpacked my bag and realized in my rush to get out of the store, I only grabbed SHAMPOO AND NOT CONDITIONER – which is what I actually needed. I have shampoo in this apartment! Needed the conditioner, but there was no way in hell I was going to put Ellie back on my chest and go back down the stairs and back down to the drug store that I am not speaking to at the moment. So when I showered this morning, I put some water in the bottom of the conditioner bottle and did what Tim Gunn says to do, and made it work.
This morning when I sat Ellie in her highchair, showering her all the gifts from the Easter Bunny, she looked at me as if to say, “Didnt YOU buy these yesterday while you were almost having a meltdown?”
Thank god not all was lost…today my parents, Jackie and my grandmother all came in to supplement the Easter Bunny’s gifts, and then they took us to Brooklyn for dinner with Mallory and Jess.
And as you can see, Ellie doesn’t seem upset by my failure of Easter – at all. (She was upset however by our insistence that she not run all over the restaurant during dinner).
BTW – the elevator is still broken. Stay tuned for more hilarity from that delightful mechanical issue.